It’s my first visit to your website, and i think i landed in the right place. I have a very drastic situation going on these days. I began to doubt my better half for no reason. There is war going on inside my mind whether to leave him or leave my family, as my family is not ready to marry me to him. Also there are numerous doubts that starts sprouting in mind for no reason. I always blame him, doubt him for no reason. I have a fear that he will leave me, or cheat on me. Also i am not able to concentrate on my career . I always found myself stuck in a web of confusion, my decision making is almost gone, i always feel lonely and crave for love. I am very confused, don’t know where i am heading my life.
Please help me.
Too little time in life. Life is heading towards a tragic end.. the final breath. Can you afford to spend it like this? Those who think that the current situation is drastically bad, they may be alright.. But the trouble is with the ones who expect tomorrow to be better without they themselves getting any better! With similar attitudes continuing and given set of of people involved in one’s life, tomorrow is NOT going to get any better than today. In case you too think this.. please Get up.. smell some coffee. What they say… Uttishtha.. Jagrata.. 🙂
The seat of this conflict is mind. Quite predictable mind is – so much so that people can be thought be just some prototype. You are nice but your mind is not. You are full of joy but mind is not allowing you to access that sweet core of yours. What are you doing currently to change your mind?
You say.. ‘I doubt Him’. It is not so unnatural to doubt because the mind’s nature is to doubt.. to question.. to seek certainty by focussing of uncertainties.. (whether that is achievable or not that’s another question) however I can tell you.. You are normal if you are doubting. But if you are not being able to see how this doubting helps in building your relationship then it is foolishness..
This man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?” asks the women puzzled at such an idiotic request.
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.” man replies.
Does it give you hint of what a prototype is like? No! Alright.. No problems… You see this man seems to know her woman.. and still loving her. You may want to get such a man in your life too. But the issue is.. if you want to have someone like this in your life, who can understand your habit of doubting etc. and still love you.. You are expecting bit too much. It’s not that you can not but you will have to have few billion dollars as your own or parental property. But then unfortunately you would see that you are loved for your money you have.. not You. Isn’t life a lose lose game?
Yes, the war is always inside. It is in every mind. Each day people go to bed hoping that tomorrow when they shall open their eyes the world will be different. Alas! Sun has still risen from the East. Clock seem to be running at the same pace. There are no rainbows in the sky and worse.. today there is a thunderstorm making it even more difficult for you to reach office. If you continue to expect rosy situations around and outside you.. there are no hopes. Only way to feel good is in ability to see goodness around by training your mind to see it. To win the war Change your focus. What are you doing to train your mind to be able to focus on ‘good’?
Whether we actually want or not but we definitely change. Everyone changes irrespective of what or who he/she is… there are no exceptions. The only exceptions are in those people who change consciously. Further exceptions are those who keep a note of what they want to change and which part of them needs to change. I suggest you to stay the same rather than changing for worse. Pray regularly and your prayer should be.. “God give me strength to change what I can. Give me courage to accept what I can not and give me wisdom to be able to differentiate between the two.”
Bob is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?” Bob replied, “Actually, I found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.” His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.” A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find a girl? Did your mother like her?” With a frown on his face, Bob answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.” The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?” Thomas replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”
Swati, you can never be liked by every single person you know. Drop the wrong idea that love always means liking someone 100%. You can be loved but still be disliked for some of your traits/habits etc. Be ready to accept it otherwise You may get tempted to become likable. That is no solution either. So if you are contemplating change.. do it for yourself. Spiritual person is one who is comfortable with oneself but still aspires to better oneself. What are you trying to change in yourself?
You are fighting and arguing with your friend. You are blaming him always. You are doing this.. knowingly. You are pushing him to behave like this.
One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a beer”. The bartender asked the man “What’s wrong? Why are you so disturbed today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she wouldn’t talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So what’s wrong with that”? The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.
Swati, Love is an energy which can help you heal anything.. only you need to know hot to transform it. In your case.. Try spend time together with your beloved in silence. Do not touch each other.. do not talk. Just be together. 20-30 minutes are more than enough… You will see there is a joy enveloping you.. you will know there is a lot to learn and enjoy in this silent presence of loving energy. After this silent encounter thank each other and part away. Experiment with this and see in just 21 days your life’s problems will start falling apart and new light shall start creeping in slowly.
Learn to drop your fears. Come out of your insecurities. Become lovable. In general Listen more.. speak less. Focus on positive outcomes. Love yourself, if you can’t love yourself then you can not love anyone. Trust yourself. It will help you develop trust in people. Look within.. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself. Forgive people for their mistakes. Accept your own mistakes. Be courageous to take decisions. Learn to love that one most important person of your life – It is You!
All the confusion shall disappear. Decisiveness shall come back. You shall become capable of giving love rather than craving for it. This is not too much asking.. this can be done! YOU WILL DO IT!
Just Meditate! Meditate 30 minutes twice daily and Smile always.
“Don’t cry foul if occasionally you land up in the wrong place.. Get up, shrug it off… and move on with a smile on your face.”
– Acharya Agyaatadarshan Anand Nath