Dear Acharyaji,Thank you for the mail!As you correctly pointed out, I see my ego, the ego. I see it even when I admit I see it. How do I drop it? As I write you this mail, I am crying. I am not hurt by your words. Just relieved. You and the gurumandala know the best and I truly appreciate your tough love.From what I understand dear Acharyaji you are telling me I am too identified with ‘I am this, I am that’. What I can I replace that thought with to completely unstuck myself from the self-image I have?
Acharya replies – You see, there is no direct autosuggestion to relieve you from this self-image. A truly spiritual person gradually wishes to be a flute in the hands of divine and divine is not someone living up there. That Shakti presents Herself in myriad of people and situations around a person who is seeking. Out of those the Guru or Teacher comes first, not second but parallel to Guru are parents and then comes your partner and so on… The best recipe for cure of Ego is to constantly remind oneself that one is in the service of divinity through these manifestations of hers. One has to have the attitude of service coupled with love and respect.
If you can serve a person with respect and love without expecting a thing in return rather than otherwise – it shall help you in the meltdown of iceberg of Ego – only tip of which is generally visible. So, when you say – I can see it.. you should know how much of it you see and how much is still invisible to your frame of self-perception.
Yesterday the argument we had at home came from nowhere. I could see I was arguing and I could also detach myself. But I didn’t stop. It’s only yesterday I realised perhaps I have not sincerely started doing things to change from within. You are once again right Acharyaji, I might be bordering on desperation while making myself believe that I actually deeply desire to change.I have had issues with sincere emotional connectedness. Even my dear ones also think the same. I do care sincerely for everyone and everything around me. But I guess I always have this ‘I am better than others’ syndrome. I have caught myself many a times after starting TSV having that pride. How do I drop it? Will witnessing and awareness eventually help me overcome it?
All the so called feeling of being better arises from some very basic possessions of a person – Beauty, Education, Money, intellect and even humility. A man or woman might feel him/herself better than others due to these sublime things. The beliefs which we carry are caused by impressions we continue to receive – the compliments, the grades, the praise.. right from childhood till now. One must first dissociate oneself from these so called physical/material/non-material identifications. One must reflect.. because so called beauty is going to wither.. Intellect comes of no use when death comes or when destiny unfolds, Money we cant carry with ourselves beyond this shore.. and so on. These are all just the extra baggage which becomes too much as we age. Getting rid of that pride can be simple, in fact very easy if we dare to try. Next time you see yourself in the mirror you can become thankful to your parents to have given you such a genetic material which gives you a sense of beauty. Next time when you find yourself knowledgeable – thank all the authors and teachers for what you possess…. and so on. I had not pointed ‘just like that’ when I asked “What have you done today to earn what you have?” Ask yourself sincerely, stay open for answers to come in… and be courageous to digest those findings.
Ego or pride is just a balloon.. it has virtually nothing inside. See for yourself and things will become clearer.
I don’t feel entitled in my spiritual journey. I may feel a bit smart about knowing things, understanding stuff intellectually. But I don’t feel I deserve it. I admit it has taken a few weeks before I connected with the picture of the gurumandala. I am very respectful but devotion doesn’t come. I will definitely watch and change my tone as you suggest.
This change of tone does not happen unless we become respectfully, humbly obedient. Obedience is not a blind-folded activity as most people might think.. it is in fact keeping your eyes and minds open to what you can’t see and think which someone in authority can!
I am sorry for all this verbosity. But I know you will see through all this and give me the right counsel.
Yes, I can and I do.
Thank you again!! And many pranam! I truly appreciate your time and energy in guiding me and supporting me in this journey!Shivoham