Around 2-3 months back when i was struggling to overcome my addictions i started vipassana meditation, I did it for 2-3 hours in a day (not continuously) whenever craving would arise i would just watch my breath and watch the cravings, desires. it helped a lot i and i haven’t smoked or masturbated in the last couple of months.
Problem is that i am aware of my breath all day and while sleeping in fact i find it hard to sleep sometimes because of this. Also i feel i might go crazy. please suggest something.
I am extremely grateful to u for taking out time to answer all my doubts.
Now since you are the part of Sacred Association by virtue of initiation in Tattva Shakti Vigyaan I’m sure you would be practicing the personal Mantra given to you at the time of initiation by Ma Shakti Devpriya. If not, would recommend you follow the discipline as suggested as it will gradually help you in dealing with the excess air-symptoms developed due to practice of Vipassana.
Ajay, you are not the only person who has landed in this problem of sleeplessness, getting anxiety pangs and feeling as if you will go mad, in fact there have been innumerable instances of people suffering to the extent of madness. Not that there is anything wrong with Vipassana meditation. Thousands of people in the history of mankind have benefited and achieved higher state of consciousness by using this great meditation. Vipassana is the most ancient technique of centering the mind and for increasing awareness which finds mention even in Vigyaan Bhairav Tantra – A treatise on meditation techniques narrated by Lord Shiva to his consort Shakti. First few meditations narrated in Vigyaan Bhairav Tantra are woven around “breath”. Pashya (पश्य) dhatu of sanskrit means “to see (देखना)”. In Pali language Pashyana (देखना) was pronounced as Passana adding Vi (वि) -Pratyaya in passana makes it Vipassana i.e. especially watching (विशेष). [For better understanding you can take the word Vigyaan. Adding Vi (वि) pratyaya in word ज्ञान (knowledge) makes it specialized knowledge or विज्ञान.] So in Pali language this watching the breath meditation was termed as Vipassana.
Vipassana is a great technique in itself however it should not be practiced in agitated state of mind. It is advisable that any meditation should not be done in case you are feeling anxious, cravings, agitated, angered or depressed etc. Why?
Caution : Not every meditation is suitable for everyone! (Master decides about the technique and monitors the progress. Also if he feels there are some modifications/changes required he does that.)
Now having gone through Tattva Shakti Vigyaan Level – 1 you can actually guess the reasons for this. The exact reason is that when your mind is agitated or disturbed your elemental energies and body energy centers are malfunctioning. They are emitting unwanted or at least uncomfortable frequencies, the effect of which is directly seen on your physical body and emotional state. In such a state, instead of first calming down yourself with some psychological technique (which works on gross vibrations and thoughts of energy in you), if you try a meditation (which works on subtler, finer vibrations of energies) you are actually switching ON your energy-body to defence-less or vulnerable condition. Meditation techniques not only work through your thoughts these dilate your energy-channels as well. This vulnerable state of energy-body allows the disturbed gross energy to push against some or the other organ/energy center of your body. Such vibrations unknowingly continue to attack and attach themselves at specific locations in your body which definitely surface at a later stage. In your case it is the neural activity of your brain which has been affected. But do not worry too much about it.. I will tell you how to overcome that.
Many people tend to use meditation techniques to curb anger, sexuality, cravings etc. This is not advisable. Meditation should be done normally when your mind is normal (at least not in that state when mind is overpowered with some idea, impulse or desire) and also the purpose of meditation is NOT achieving de-addiction it is to be used to reach out to those unknown deeper realms of your being which are worth experiencing. In case you are suffering from any addition – do something to boost your self-confidence, your will-power and create situations which disrupt or hinder your habit pattern. Like when people get angry – the common advices given to them is: Go, take a walk. Drink a glass of water slowly. Count 50 to 1 in reverse order. Take deep breaths and so on. Only a fool will advise an angry person to jump on to meditation mat and sit in lotus posture!
The postures have been emphasized by every Master. When you meditate (in the beginning of this journey) you must assume a specific posture. That posture becomes your handle and trigger for getting into meditative state and makes it easy for you to dive deep. Now this should be followed until you become naturally calm, bit centered and aware. Trying meditation on the move is not recommended for beginner. In your case you have probably engaged in ‘breath awareness’ regime even on the move – it should have been avoided.
For those who have already finding themselves trapped in certain (not so pleasant) side-effects of practicing meditation (all for the wrong reasons though), and for those whom meditation has become an addiction instead of a respite my recommendations are as below –
a. Discontinue the practice (whatever it is) immediately
b. For few days engage in good amount of physical activity (gardening, walking, running, spot-jogging) to tire you.
c. Laugh a lot for no reason (if you can’t then at least laugh aloud when you get one to do do!)
d. Take some external object like flame/Trees-Plants in wind/fish in the aquarium etc.) and try becoming aware of their movements. Watch out for smallest of movements there.
e. Try becoming aware of your body movements
f. Tattva Shakti Vigyaan initiates should invoke earth element predominantly. It will help them turn their attention to grosser things.
g. For those who are still not aware of their elemental energy make-up.. the must learn about Tattva Shakti Vigyaan
Ajay, with these modifications and practices you will definitely come out of this panicky situation. Nevertheless if some adjustments are sought those will be done. Do join FB page of Sacred Association and stay updated.
Have faith and just feel secure as being part of Sacred Association, you will definitely be taken care of.
– Ach. Agyaatdarshan Anand Nath