i read this conversation..
i want to know that to live in moments is important or living for truth and commiments is imp…. i found many people around who say i love u,, but they want to live in moments… even i know a man who was married and said that y can’t i be in love although im married?? y can’t i feel in love with u??? i found it rubbish….. but he made me believe that he loves me aloottt… but im still finding it strange…. todays youth is running for lust….. if u think about “anand”( eternal happiness), then sleeping around with people wid the name of love is right??? that man want to live with his wife for life coz he is commited… and can’t think of anybody entering his life as his wife….. but is in search of true love…..
i am also married….. i found it easy to love him…. i can even “imagine” making love wid him,… but in reality i love my husband…..its strange for me… my inner self doesn’t allow me…. wat should i do in such case and wast should others do in such suitation
i find todays youth facing such problem alottt…..
they come up and say that they are emotionally weak… how to help them rather not affecting dere growth?
how can we help todays youth…. as we know they don’t even understand wat u r all talking about!! – Roopam
Even a child is full of questions, it is curiosity! When a child is asking why moon waxes and wanes he is ‘just’ asking it.. he just wants to know. If he is answered then he will keep the answer and if not then he would probably drop the question itself after sometime. His life doesn’t depend on it. He is not trying to weave a theory around it.. not that his efforts are of no value but he is definitely collecting the information, trying to fill the his mind with readymade answers.. this is the raw manifestation of quest for knowledge. But ever since human mind has been able to develop to a level it has been filled with Whys, Hows and Whats.. A mind with Whys, hows and whats is definitely a prerequisite for further spiritual growth however this helps only when it is coupled with a deep desire to recognize the ‘Truth’ then cling on to it and be driven by it.
Roopam, in fact you have asked so many questions in one go. You feel the answers will resolve your inner conflict. Let me tell you no answer has ever been able to resolve anybody’s inner conflict. But still I would answer you because answer shows the direction in which one should move to find out the resolution. The closest example would be comparing the answer to ‘a finger pointing to the moon’.. the finger is not the moon. So, to further gain knowledge about, experience the beauty of moon you will have to meditate upon the moon. The inner issues can be resolved only by modification of thoughts and actions performed in the light of new understanding revealed in the answer. If you meditate in the direction suggested by answer it will definitely help you progress. And that is the reason I insisted you live with questions and mediate upon them. Good! you took that piece of advice very positively..
Trying to find out ways how others can be benefitted should come next.. first step is to sincerely seek a path for self through answers. So lets keep the youth of today at bay and focus on self.
Lastly – Love is most mistaken word in the english dictionary… the word ‘love’ has its origin in sanskrit word ‘Lobh’ which means greed (desire to possess), want. So what people make out of this word is not what it actually is. I understand what you mean when you are using word ‘true love’.. In spiritual domain technically correct word would be ‘Prem’ (in sanskrit) but like many other words of Sanskrit it has no equivalent in english language. Closest equivalent of this word ‘Prem’ would be ‘uncondition love’. Unconditional love means total freedom. Freedom from the burden of relationship, commitments, promises and even love. Existence has programmed humans to yearn for ‘Prem’.. but utilitarian society which is driven by insecurity has devised ‘Love’, relationships and marriage.
So if someone says ‘I love you’ it most likely to mean is ‘I need you.. I want you.’ Married or unmarried people may go on wanting and want as many things (people) as pleases them. They can not keep themselves off it unless they get the taste of ‘Prem’.
Till the time we are living in this world- Love, deception, pretence and fantasies will continue to exist. The ways of world are like this. Husband is fantacising about his beautiful neighbour and Wife is mentally making love with male-friend. It is not taken note of till these thoughts remains in the confines of the region between ears but the moment these descend and some action starts happening between thighs it is considered immoral. But I told you world’s ways are like that. Psychologists suggest ‘keep fantacising’ it will enrich your sex-life. Sexologists are suggesting youngsters and others to keep masterbating and they say it will keep other negatives emotions like frustration and sense of deprivation at bay. Day is not far when so called moral values would be put on the racks and experts would start advising you that to live a life full of enjoyment you must engage with more than one person emotionally.. and sexually. To reach that stage of evolution of behavioural sciences and psychology probably a wait for one or two centuries is needed.
You say ‘He is not wanting anyone else to enter his life as his wife..” Come on! Commitment is a commitment.. (laughs). That was on lighter side however on a serious note I am sure he wants it but this society doesn’t approve it. Whether someone takes a decision to derive pleasure of love making using a phrase ‘being emotionally weak’ or laments eternally about being ‘committed’ it doesn’t bring about any change in desiring. It continues. The fact is every man is looking around for more.. and every woman is fed up with her husband in one or the other way. Compromise is the word which drives the relationships not the word ‘freedom’. And if marriages and so called love affairs would have been so transforming there was no need of meditation! (laughs)
You dont have to agree or disagree with me I know bothways ‘Thats Right”..
I have heard.. The Mullah Nasiruddin was a judge and arbitrator in a dispute. First the advocate of the first side gave an eloquent discourse advancing his claims. The Mullah who had been listening intently agreed and said, “That’s right.” Next it was the other advocates turn and he was just as erudite. Once more the Mullah agreed adding, “That’s right.” His clerk listening to the Mullah’s pronouncements commented, “They can’t both be right.” “The Mullah agreed by saying, “That’s right!”
The spiritual journey is all about being contented with self… To be full of joy and to be full of love without the need of ‘other’. People who have achieved this state, the buddhahood observed that in fact we dont need the ‘other’ to love. Just as you dont have to have other to be able to breathe so is true for love (Prem). You just be full of love and then everyone who comes in contact with you feels loved. Love is a state of your being where you are at ease with yourself.. rather than a piercing pain, a desire which requires someone else to put an ointment on it.
My advice to you and all is – While you follow your psychologists and sexologists’ advice take out time to meditate. Try being with yourself for sometime every day in complete silence.. no thoughts, no desires, no judgements, no plans, no fantasies. Sincerely seeking the true essence of this creation, your being, your desires.. Slowly but surely you would find that Prem is replacing Love. Freedom is replacing fears, Compassion is replacing commitments and a celebration of being, a dance (I call Love-Shaking) is replacing sex (Love-making).
Love and Light