I am an engineering student.The thing is that for the past 1 year a lot of things happened in my life which has changed my whole outlook towards life. I can clearly see that only cause of misery is attachments and desires,pleasures are futile and only cause pain in the long run. I was smoking all sorts of crap and excessively masturbating for 6 months it messed me up like anything all though nothing happened to my so called friends who were doing the same .I was extremely depressed and around the same time my girlfriend said she was not interested in me anymore so that pushed me deeper into depression.although my relationship with her was purely lustful,she was the only one to whom i really talked. I dont have very good relationship with my parents ,its like a formal relationship. at that time i realised all this that only cause of my pain were my attachment to my girlfriend ,my body,my so called looks etc and indulging in such futile momentary pleasures.For the past 6 months i have been trying really hard to redeem myself out of that state.i can say that i am now quite stable. Now i can see that the life everyone is leading is so meaningless. i cant lead the so called path the society has pre defined. every relationship is just a ego trip including parents. i dont see that i am morally obliged to help any one or support any one even my parents or i have any duty towards this society.now i dont feel like doing anything, i dont even feel like studyin anymore.as all i was trying to do is trying to be someone.millions of people have lived before me and millions will after me. even the desire to be some one has died.all i do these days is read spiritual stuff .i feel like running to the himalayas and live there till i die. please help me . – A.C
I dont need to remind you that you are loved unconditionally by the one who has created you – the God!
Your disinterest in life and so called vairagya seems to be arising out of pain and misery. It is good bothways whether vairagya comes after really going through the pains yourself or just intelligently taking lessons from see others sufferring.
The world is definitely impermanent, transitory but that does not mean it has no purpose in itself. The sole purpose of a soul coming here is its desire to grow, evolve and learn lessons. Unfortunately as soon as you enter in this world you forget your resolve and your purpose and thats why you struggle your way out in the search of something else..
It is time you congratulate yourself for still surviving the shock and series of events.. but this would be superficial if you are not able to forgive people around you for whatever they did – wrong or right comes later. They are what they have chosen to.. and if you, your growth, your mission becomes victim of someone else’s decision you are choosing a slavery. Its better to be the master of your life rather than giving the steering and controls to someone else. Mind you if you do not have a plan you are most likely to fall in someone else’s plan and what they have planned for you – Nothing! Hope this rings the bell.. and you become interesed in your own life, cheris and apreciate it’s purpose rather than being at the mercy of few sweet words, smiling looks, sweaty warm touches and assurance of being together. Not because these are not the part of your learning and experience but because if you get obsessed with these you are creating bondage for you and the ultimate purpose of life is Love – Purest love. Mostly love is missunderstood by the word “Desire” but the same love when comes out of a greater understanding of each other’s psyche and need of soul rather than body it fructifies itself and blossoms to spread the ever satisfying fragrance of completeness, abundance and freedom.
AC, you say you feel like refraining from all the activities which you are engaged in currently – and I ask for what? You can choose to give it a try for 3 days if you like but only when you have come out of this whimsy state of mine. You can refrain from all the productive activities and pleasures for just 3 days… may be 3 weeks but this is not the human nature to stay aloof.. sooner or later you will find yourself interested again in all these things, so why not take a decision right now. Change the attitude towards these activities – take them as your training ground and development because if you gain more now – you will be able to contribute in a better way to everyone around – Although you do not feel like even paying back to your parents who raised you. You are feeling so because your love-gates are shut as of now.. once they open you would again like to put smile on some faces around.
Keep in mind – God has not created the world and established himself on the 7th heaven after that. God has become this world. So if you really wish to experince GOD – just become open to the experineces – do not be choosy about pleasure and comfort – whatever comes your way on the persuit of your mission is His will.
Do one thing – try to connect to your surroundings in a more aware way and you will realize that nothing.. nothing in this world exists in isolation for it can NOT exist. Also also nothing is an end to itself. All are means to the end .. so learn to use your pain, pleasures and heartbreakes in more constructive way albeit that is possible only when you are in a balanced state of mind.
For achiveing that balance – you need to affrim first to yourself that you are here on a Mission. That mission is of self-actualization. (Mind it, I am not calling it Self-realization) and whatever you are currently engaged in – be it your studies or family/social obligations.. are the part of your training. Trainining and testing goes on hands in hands.. being a technology student you would appreciate what i am saying.
Take guidance from Ma Devpriya who shall further guide you on how to use power of symbols and visualization for coming out of this phase quickly. May you have further questions/queries or doubts, confusions you can definitely write back.
One last thing.. know that we love you.. and i will do every bit to see you smile back and take charge of life. Isn’t this a reason to smile now?
- Ach. Agyaatdarshan